You feel Lost.

Desktop.update.log: lj20090418z0433ppj414:


Have I told you, I was working, two jobs, until two months ago, living downtown Portland, OR, do you ever feel lost, I have been asking a lot of questions, like, where do I belong, in this world, what are my talents, really, I mean, what is the purpose to life, of course, I can do this, I can do that, of course, that is normal, I can do good, you know, but somehow, there is this doubt, have I said this to you before, I think doubt is the opposite of faith, or close to it, I am not exactly sure about this, have I said that to you, before, I can do good, of course, you know, that is normal, I think, but I feel lost, or at least I use to, I think, because, I can do good, but can I do best, or at least better than good, you know, I think the enemy to the best is good, have you heard that before, so, therefore, in the mist of such wonder, such doubt, such whatever that you want to call it, I am coming to a conclusion that my search is actually more normal than I realize, and so, I think my answer to doubt, my hope, my purpose, is within simplicity which is not to be confused with apathy or living absent from faith, or how do I say that, does that make sense, so, in my life, just this past month, I started thinking more about being more normal, I don't mean that I will be absent from my uniqueness, I mean, I am starting to believe in simplicity, and I am only saying that because I have always been oppose such a mindset, I hate to say, and so, my goal, in life, right now, and this is not a joke, my goal has something to do with being a servant, or more over in contributing.

Are you reading all of this, am I communicating, is all of this too deep, why am I so deep, I am not so sure, but I know this is part of the reason why I am seeking to be more simple, or above approach, or all things to all people, or wiser, or not as crazy, and I think the list goes on, but my prayer request, if you do not mind me being so wordy in all of this, has something to do with experience, I just want to be living and working somewhere that can enhance my gifts, part of my gifts have something to do with working with children as a teacher, a tutor, plus, another part has to do with performance as a singer, dancer, comedian, and speaker, plus, my other talents has to do with being a servant, or a researcher, or maybe even a writer, or something. Grr, I need to stop writing, I can write a book about all of this. There is so much to be said.

Can you pray, I am not too sure about everything, but I do know that I am going to get a job, hopefully in the mornings, I can do karaoke, dancing, socialize at night, and better yet, I want to start volunteering at schools or homeless shelters, oh, I could also be in a church choir, etc, etc, etc, LOL, haha, no, but really, thanks for asking, and sorry that I had to write so much, oh, and I am now going to copy and paste this message to a blog or post, oh my, happy Easter, take care.