At This End

Following my nine months of service in Hawaii (in Revolution Hawaii), and following my summer as a Wilderness Counselor, in Boring, Oregon, at Camp Kuratli: following all that came the WYI (Western Youth Institute), brought to you by The Salvation Army, which is a week-long Bible retreat for their young adults all across this western coast of the United States (within their 'western territory'). For the last seven months, I was planning to relocate to Long Beach, California, because I was given that opportunity, but I slowly--over time--I disqualified myself from that. This past week, at WYI, was emotional because my heart was breaking from all of these mistakes. And then my mother came over a day too soon. Last Thursday night, August 14, 2008, Bill (my mother's boyfriend) arrived to WYI inside a van, where I was, at the Camp Arnold campus, and we booked it over to Seaside for our family reunion/funeral for my favorite uncle.

I should of said goodbye!

I did not say bye because we left a day early (Thursday night), because I was upset, because I hate saying goodbye, because I was confused, because it all happened so quickly, because I thought nobody really cared too much, because of too many reasons, I say, for these are my excuses and not reasons for not saying goodbye, but I should of said goodbye to everybody, including Rob Noland, who is the director to Revolution Hawaii, and who is a loyal friend to me.


At The End!
This is me at the end!

This is the end of burning bridges, of merely receiving from others. I need to give back. I mean, I feel that I am at the end of things. I mean, I feel like I burnt down to many bridges, I dig too many holes, ruined to many friendships or relationships with others. I mean, I feel that have ruined my life in many aspects. I feel that people cannot take me serious, see me reliable, balance, consistent, or strong. I am tired of letting people down. I am seeking a new beginning. I reached the end of anything that you do not like about me. Ok, so I might not fix myself overnight. But you can help me. You can let me know how I can improve. I am being serious at this point. If you are reading this then know that I am asking for your input.

What do I do best?
What do I do least?
How can I do better?
How can I improve?
What do you like?
How can you help me help myself?
Please let me know what you think.

You do not have to know me to input your concern. I need your help. I mean, I am just a little sad. Oh wait, I am actually quite concern. I feel like I am in a big hole right now. I am there for so many reasons. I should stop crying about how I got into this hole. I want to cry about how I fell into this hole. But I need to get out and back. And this is what I am saying. I am on the quest of Independence, of revolution, of interdependence.

I cannot stay at Mom's
I cannot live at either of my siblings.
I still have more options. I am still looking.
But I do not plan to fail at this pursuit for destiny.

This story is not over yet!